The Drunken Master

Why do I hate my husband when he’s drunk?

1. He stinks like hell! Ok, I haven’t smelled the hell yet but I’m sure it’s the same.
2. He’s too drunk; he can’t even undress himself and just dropped himself anywhere, it’s just so annoying.
3. His snores are louder than ever and it keeps me awake all night long.
4. (Sometimes) He throws while sleeping on OUR BED! Gawd, it would be acceptable if he just peed. And yes, I’d probably hate that too but at least the stench won’t be as horrible as that of his gag.
5. Did I mention he stinks?! I mean the day after and the day after?

After reading the above statement, here’s the test. In a situation like this I’d probably do one of the following, choose carefully and please do not cheat.

A. Get a towel and warm water in the basin, you know like the servant do to “your majesty” when he’s drunk and then the following scene will be rated X.

B. Curse him! Threaten him that he will never be allowed to any drinking session for the rest of his life.

C. Ignore him. Let the matter rest overnight because tomorrow will be another day (with a sly smile on my face like a villain in a drama series.)

D. Both C & B, depends on the scenario.

The answer is D. It depends, if he’s a little drunk and still can talk and probably would remember something in the morning, then its C, but if he’s too drunk and won’t remember a thing then it’s B! Anyhow, I don’t want my hubby to remember me cursing him because he’s a very good husband when he is sober. So, I respect him (slightly) even when he’s in that state because I’m scared he’ll remember the disrespect.

 Wait, did anyone answer letter A? I’m wondering if other wives do such thing. Maybe it’s the right thing but c’mon! I don’t even touch him during this time and as a punishment he’ll have to wake up early to clean his mess and take a shower. Good for him, don’t you think? But for the sake of courtesy, I’ll ask him if he wants coffee or anything to help him with his hang over. I’m a good wife after all.

Still the question remains, why do men keep drinking? My husband’s answer will be the following:

1. You will never understand because you’re a woman. (Ouch! I don’t want to translate it literally because we might find ourselves on higher court.)
2. You don’t have friends. (Really, I’m a loner, do you believe that?!)
3. It’s fun and it’s our bonding. (Is it really fun walking in criss -cross and throwing everything you have eaten and drank?)
4. Because I have to, period. (Meaning, he’ll drink again!)

So, after contemplating for long hours I finally came up with an agreement. He’s no longer allowed to drink once or twice a month; instead he will only have once per year, to which he disagrees. Sigh!

I’m not drunk! just tipsssshhhhy!