A Bedtime Story

Once upon a time in a far away room called a bedroom; a beautiful queen called Mom ask the owner if he wants to sleep in his room, on his own bed, by himself. The owner who’s a prince named Joacquin, replied with a firm No!

Joacquin: I’m not yet a big boy, I’m still a baby. 😦

Queen Mom: Yes, you are a big boy now and Mommy can’t sleep beside you anymore. If you managed to sleep on your own, I promised to give you a new toy for every night that you will sleep by yourself. Is it a deal?

Of course Joacquin agreed and was very happy and excited. He was sure he can make it.

As bedtime grew nearer, the prince felt anxious. As the Queen Mom finished the bedtime story, he grew more uncomfortable and sad. Lying on his bed, he kept tossing and turning and seemingly contemplating.

Queen Mom: I will watch you until you fall sleep, so sleep now and good night! 🙂

With that, she kissed and hugged the prince goodnight.

Prince Joacquin: Mommy, I have lots of toys and I don’t need some more.

Queen Mom: So?

With the saddest voice, he told the Queen what he was thinking.

Prince Joacquin: I don’t want toys anymore, I just wanted to sleep beside you.

The Queen was so surprised and touched that she hugged and kissed the prince until he fell asleep. She knew that she will need a new ploy to make him sleep on his own. But for the meantime, she decided to stay beside the prince and thought that it’s a happy ending anyway.

So together Prince Joacquin and Queen Mom snore and sleep happily until the next morning!

The End.

Celebrating Mother’s Day Everyday :)

On mother’s day,

I wish to have a full tantrum-free day and stress-free hubby. I also want it to be gadget free.

I don’t want to be treated special. I don’t want spa day or flowers or cake. I just want a personalized card made by my hubby and kids. I want them to describe me, and tell me the things they love and don’t like about me.

I want hubby and kids to sing me a song and I want us to do some hip hop dance or we can do both at the same time.

I want hubby to cook the breakfast. Pancakes,egg, hotdogs and a cappuccino will be perfect.

I want to have a handy vacuum. the rechargeable, lightweight, super silent and with no cords. 🙂

And if all these things won’t be possible for some reasons, I just wanted them to forget that it’s mother’s day and treat it as a normal day. We’ll spend the weekend same as usual.

They will wake me up asking for breakfast followed by hugs and morning breath kisses.

The kids will throw tantrum, trash the house and eat by the hour. After that they will try to help me clean by trashing it more.

They will argue and fight but will say sorry to each other and I love you afterwards. Somehow, you’ll wonder if I’m mad and if I still love you? To that I will reply yes and kiss each of your messy faces.

Ericka will ask us to be the king and queen in a tea party. We will resist and make excuses but we will find ourselves holding the teacup with the pinky finger out.

Joacquin will shoot pretend web on my mouth when I talk too much. He’s watching Spiderman 1967. Clearly, he doesn’t want to be disturb.

Hubby will sit on his favorite part of the sofa anytime he gets the chance. He will flip the channels for an hour and will complain that there’s nothing good to watch.

While I clean the sink, I will tell hubby the same old story and we’ll both hope that somewhere along my stories, we’ll uncover a new topic. That’s a new one, he’ll say and then we’ll laugh and dig deeper about that new piece.

Our weekend seems to be a page from the instruction of President’s Business manual but like Emet we find it fun and comfortable. Fyi, they are characters from my favorite film “The Lego Movie”. While it’s good to celebrate the Mother’s day on a fine dining restaurant eating some ribs and steak maybe, our weekend with pork stew and rice is equally special.

Happy mother’s Day to me and to every deserving mothers in the whole world! 🙂

Now that you’re Five

Time flew by so fast and I wish every moment would last
Seems like yesterday you were just a tiny baby girl
Seems like yesterday your words are just sounds, the hymn of twirl
Seems like yesterday you walk in sway and swirl, barely make it to the trail
And today you aren’t that girl anymore; the girl I thought was frail
Now you don’t seem bothered to the word fail; just like a ship you’re set and ready to sail.

One morning you woke up and uttered “hey, it’s another day!”
You’re Daddy told me and I smiled. What should I say?
Deep inside I know that day will soon be days, months and years and then I pray,
Please make it slow, make the day longer;
I want to relish every moment with my baby girl in every way.

Now that you’re five I asked your wish on your birthday.
You told me you want a cake, a picnic and a necklace with a blue pendant if you may,
Oh! The simplicity it makes our hearts beat proudly
You’ve grown up to live and dream simply
It seems like you don’t need bits and pieces to be happy.

Now that you’re five you can do a lot of things on your own
You always try to do things by yourself to show me you’ve grown
You sometimes get mad when I don’t leave you alone
But you never forget to show how much you love us, and we know that it will last.

Now that you’re five let me remind you of all the things that make it worthwhile
Your smile is like the sunshine, it makes us forget for a while
Your laughter it makes our day brighter and warmer
Your words are music to our ears and sometimes brought us to tears
Your hug takes away all our fears
Tantrums, stubbornness and all the clutter, you know it doesn’t matter
As long you as you’re happy and healthy, we’ll be here and we won’t falter.

“We love you so much baby girl and we thank you God for giving us one of the most wonderful blessing in our life!”

Not a Valentine’s Day Post

I am a weirdo. I asked my hubby a lot of what ifs. I will create a situation and he has to give his judgment or feedback. It’s like a game we’ve been playing for six years. Sometimes it’s fun and often times he’s a Debbie Downer. He’s a bubble blower. As soon as he tells the truth I am done. Here are some instances to make you understand what I am blabbing about.

It’s Saturday after breakfast. The kids are playing in front of us while we chit chat about anything. Then, I realize that Zac Efron is really hot.

Me: Hubby, what if I am trapped in a beautiful island. You know an island with complete luxurious amenities. Spas, designer boutiques, gym, books, a lot of healthy food choices and everything that I needed to survive glamorously. But then I will find out that I am not alone. In the swimming pool I will find Zac Efron, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, Liam and Chris Hemsworth and Piolo Pascual swimming like Greek Gods. Do you think they will like me? Being the only girl in the island, do you think they will fight over me?

Hubby: No, they will fall in love with each other.

Me: (Nodding) Hmm… I’ll be the maid for sure.

We both burst out laughing but ouch! Why can’t he just say yes? Though I know he’s somewhat right.

Every Friday we have this movie night and one time we marathon the Bourne Trilogy. I was really thrilled with the story and the next morning while we were walking…

Me: What if we act like we’re criminals or we’re hiding from the police. Isn’t it fun?! Oh, there!
(Two policemen approach in uniform)
Perfect! C’mon hubby! Be vigilant! Let’s move our eyes from side to side and walk faster like Jason Bourne.

Hubby: No, they will not think we’re criminals. They will think we’re crazy!

Me: You’re right they won’t believe us because we have kids in tow.
Next time, let’s pretend somewhere else without the kids. Pinas will be the perfect setting!

Insert evil laugh here.

One time I was reading Sylvia Day’s Bared to You. I told him that it was better than Fifty Shades of Grey. While I hate that book, it’s odd that I’ve read all of them.

Me: You know this book is hotter than fifty shades. I don’t like this either but the scenes are more vivid and graphic. One scene is when Gideon arrive unannounced and swept Eva on her feet and laid her on the couch without further a due. Just like that, he made love to her without preparations and cooking dinner. Why can’t we do that?

Hubby: You know I can’t do that. I can’t just come and sweep you on your feet. The kids will be there greeting me and besides you’re always doing something but you know we can… (Insert some adult conversation here that involves some teasing and flirting)

All right, I know we can’t really do that. I’m busy and he’s tired. I need to fix dinner first, clean the kitchen, shower the kids, put them to bed and I need a shower myself. By the time, I am ready we’re both dead tired and sleeping is the most sexy thing in the world.

Me: How about waking up in 3 AM? Gideon is having nightmares and so let’s pretend you have them too and then like Eva, I will try to comfort you and then we’ll start from there.

Me: (Answering myself) No, it’s better to sleep. Sleeping is sexier. Sleeping is hotter. Sleeping is orgasmic.

Sylvia Day is not a mother I think; please correct me if I am wrong. Porn for me is when hubby is loading the dishwasher or when he is holding the vacuum. I can hear myself saying, faster and sometimes when he’s scrubbing the floor I say harder, yes harder!
Though my hubby is a bubble blower and a Debbie downer at its best; I love him that way. He helps me separate my dreams and reality because a lot of times I’m just confused. With all the stuff running through my mind, it’s hard sorting out the truth, lies and ideas but he’s always there reminding me that he’s my only Zac Efron and he can give me my fantasy island; always there to prove me that he’s more spontaneous than Gideon Cross but not as suave as Jason Bourne. I know I’m weird at times but I’m just lucky to have someone who can appreciate me the way I am.
While I find this game a bit bizarre, I think it’s fun and somehow sweet. Laughing till our jaws ache and till we fight because he farts is really a good thing in our married life. So ladies, please feel free to be weird at times. Surprise him with what’s running on your mind because we all know that monotony badly harms a relationship. Happy Valentine’s Day! Wink wink!

27 Reasons I know I’m a Mom

1. I am not easily gross out by poop, snot, boogers, and puke. I know how to handle them. While enjoying my lunch one of my kids will call me to wash their butt; I will oblige and like nothing happens I will resume eating.
2. I found myself saying one or all of these phrases.

Stop licking your feet, your socks the lavatory, the table and the remote. Stop touching the toilet seat, my boobs, your butt and your sister’s/brother’s butt. Don’t put the crayons, dried rice on the floor, stray cereals and other objects edible or not edible on your mouth.

3. Cereals are important, without it there will be no breakfast or dinner sometimes.
4. I know there are no monsters but says otherwise when they ask if there’s a monster. It’s my way to scare them out of the cabinet.
5. I say yes without even hearing the question. I say “how beautiful!” to everything they’ve created.
6. I know the story of every Disney/Pixar anime and I sometimes wonder if toys do speak at night or when no one’s looking. I pronounce Eve/Eva like Eeeeee-ve-a just like Wall-e. I am not convinced that everybody needs a thneed because The Lorax is right. I sometimes quote master Oogway and I know that the voice behind Gnomeo and Arthur in Arthur’s Christmas is the same person. “Is that James Mc Avoy?”
7. I know Barney, answers to Dora the Explorer, and dance with the Hi-5. I always buy tickets to their mall shows too and will realize that Barney is nothing but a big stuff dinosaur toy in person. I still shout “Barney!” when he appears.
8. I love school days because of the free hours I have but wish for a school vacation when it’s raining or if I want to sleep more. I call in sick whenever this happens. After all they’re just preschool.
9. I hate that mother who allows their sick child in school.
10. I know sweets are bad but I always give in.
11. Tantrum is my greatest fear.
12. I have messy house until it’s two hours before their Daddy arrives. It’s tidy before dinner but will be chaotic again after dinner. I repeat cleaning before going to sleep and then I will sleep mad.
13. Although a hug nor a kiss won’t fix or tame my kids, I still hug and kiss all the time when they’re happy, when I’m happy, when they’re hurt or sad; I know the perfect timing to do this.
14. I yell at times. I swear on my mind after seeing the spilled milk, water, chocolate drink on the floors, tables, and carpets. I mumble and swear some more while wiping the mess but I say, “It’s ok baby…” instead.
15. I told them that I’m peeing blood because I’m tired. They know I pee blood or menstruating because they watch me pee, poop or shower. They love conversing with me (or ask something all of a sudden) while I’m doing one of these chores.
16. I finish phone conversations with “I’m sorry but my kids are climbing the window” or they will just cut me off because I’m yelling most of the time than talking. If the caller’s my best friend he won’t mind, he’ll just talk, wait and then go on.
17. I know if their breathing is not normal. I will know if it’s a cold or something worse. I know when to seek medical attention otherwise having them sick and resting in bed is a day off for me.
18. I know the sound if the fall is serious and if it isn’t I’ll just continue writing.
19. Once every week I will cook three sets of meals, one for each of my kids and my husband.
20. Sometimes I will realize that I’m like a tree because they keep climbing on me and pull my leaves hair in clumps.
21. I decline social invites just because I know I won’t enjoy talking and apologizing at the same time for all their mess.
22. I am comfortable with jeans or shorts, shirts and flats. When not going out, I stay in pyjamas and still change into pyjamas after I shower.
23. My parents mean so much to me because I now understand them and I feel grateful for everything.
24. My favourite food includes nuggets, Oreos and fries because leftovers should not be wasted.
25. My facebook, instagram and twitter are mostly about them and sometimes I over share.
26. I don’t ask for anything just food, house and basic needs; I just pray for their health and safety.
27. My life is all about them; yet odd it maybe, I feel happy and contented.

Yes, just like magnets!

My husband and I are opposite in a lot of things. I always test our dissimilarity by asking him if he likes this or that because if he said yes then oftentimes it’s a no for me.

 He’s a quiet person and I’m loud. I love laughing. I even researches jokes and read it to him. He tells jokes too and sometimes I pretended that it isn’t funny because it’s not really.

He’s a homebody and I am not. I love malls; I love dining out and everything. That I think is because I’m a stay at home mom and grocery shopping for me is an excursion. I can’t sleep the night before I will do the grocery. On the other hand, weekends for him I suppose are rest days, if I’m not mistaken.

 He’s good at math and I hate it. People, this is very important because if he’s good in math then he’s good in numbers and by numbers I mean money.  And if he knows how to divide cash then he’s probably good at budgeting which unfortunately, I am not.

When he sets his mind on a goal, he’ll get it. I have many small goals on the contrary. I will write a book so I will start, then I will find it hard and afterwards I’ll write a blog instead. One time I decided to study culinary arts because I think I will be a good chef but after trying chicken in peanut butter sauce and sesame seeds is really awful yet the cook vouch for its palatability; I realize that I am but a mother who roasts a chicken with salt on the skin and it’s perfect. I can change my goals easily and he’s really determined. Good for our family though.

He’s gorgeous and I am beautiful gazillion times. So still, we’re opposite on that.

He loves everything I cook and I don’t like everything he cooks. He loves cooking chilli and peppers and everything hot with some meat on it.

He don’t like chick flicks. He’s a Rambo!

He’s frugal and I don’t need to elaborate. Insert peace sign here.

I love reading. I read everything even the ingredients on canned goods and one time while loading the dishwasher I happen to see a Norwegian newspaper on the table I browse then read it. I didn’t understand a word because it’s in Norsk but I still read it. That’s me! When I want to learn something, I read. When he needs to know something he will you tube it.

He’s consistent and I change mind as often as our kids change their diapers. I will discipline the kids today, no more softie mommy I’ll say but then I will give in after some hugs and kisses. When he set the rules, we have to obey it. We will protest at times, shed some croc tears but the answer’s still no and that’s final. But we really need him that way otherwise we’ll be a bunch of undisciplined idiots.

I think I can write a book about how opposite we are but I don’t want others to think how unfortunate he is to have a wife like me. Obviously, he has all the good qualities and I’m mediocre.

We have some similarities too like eating good food and chatting about nonsense things. We love to plan our future, our retirement and our last will. We love goofing around and we both like Liam Neeson. We love to watch the kids sleeping and playing or we just love to watch them whatever they’re doing.  In general, our values in terms of parenting aren’t really in differing direction because we have to meet somewhere to make it work.

Yes, we have arguments. We fight but we make a vow to never sleep until we settled it. We say I love you everyday whenever we have chance because we feel it and we want our kids to be as affectionate as we are. Though our differences are evident, we embrace it. I have this theory that in marriage the more unlike you are the happier you will be because it will never be dull, it will always be fun laughing at your diversities.  Somehow we manage “to agree to disagree” and just like magnets we pull each other closer and we promise to stay the same until forever.

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Tantrums and my not so smart tips on how to deal with it

I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost five years and those years were bittersweet. Though I love my kids more than anything or anyone there are times that I don’t know what to do with them anymore. At times they are just impossible. So, I and hubbs have tried some methods to curtail most of their bad habits. Some of them worked and some of them don’t. I often invented the technique and let the hubby believe that it was effective based on research. So, I would like to share these with all the new moms out there who are struggling with their little ones. I’m not sure if these will help but at least you’ll know that you’re not alone. Some of my smart practices are as follows:

Ignore them. Just beware because crying may spiral to a stage that you can’t bear with it anymore until you just can’t disregard them. This method always fail but at least it provides me a moment to relax a little, you know breath in breath out and then with a shaky voice I shall ask “For the nth time, what do you want?” Oh wait this works well when it’s nap time, I just put them to bed while crying and then they pass out. Bad mommy I know; but hey, it’s called tiring them out. Just don’t forget to kiss them while they doze off. They’ll remember the last thing.

Play with them.  Most of the times they are just craving for attention so just give them your full interest. This method is fail proof if you have the stamina to play pretend for two hours or more; if you can sword fight, monster fight, wrestling for more hours and fail proof, if you can live in the fort made of blanket, dance endlessly and sing songs per request. But who can do that for hours? I can’t do that so most of the time we end up fighting. Yes, being the oldest and the mother hen I’m that immature. No, I’m done playing let’s do something else.

Offer them to do some artwork with you. The house will be in chaos but they will be occupied for hours. I just don’t want the Play-Doh because it takes me forever to clean the mess afterwards. I like painting, colouring and “scrap” booking, hair styling etc.

Stand in the corner. I let them cry and whine and shout and stomp in the corner. This is a new method and it works like magic. It was based on a research that I can’t find anymore but it really works for us. They will immediately stop the tantrums after I put them in the “crying corner”.

“Do you want to cry? Ok, stand in the corner and tell me when you’re finish.”

They will try to cry, but then they will get bored and will tell you right away that they are finish crying already. “Just give me a hug, mommy.” Snoot and it’s done.

Let the TV do the work.  This is my most effective method. Victory is mine, bwahahahaha! Just choose kid friendly shows. For ages 1-3 Barney and Dora is the best sitter. Oh, how I love Barney. There are times, when I called Barney “hubby”! Isn’t he the most patient dinosaur in the world?! But for ages, 4 and up Barney won’t appeal anymore. They love movies! Some of their favourites are Disney/Pixar animation movies. I have every movie that you can think of. Thank you Pirate bay! I’m seeding right now. But be reminded that most of the kid friendly shows aren’t that friendly. Some are bad influences and that include Wizards of the Waverly Place, Hannah Montana, Good luck Charlie, Kick Ass and Shake It up. Of course, it’s based on my observation only. These shows might be good for your kids if you wish to have a 4 year old with rolling eyeballs every time you asked a question then go on. Don’t blame me.

Oh, just take a moment to explain the story of the film. Impart the lessons and highlight the good and bad in the show or picture. Do not let them watch commercials or regular channels just stay at Disney or Cartoon Network but still you have to be very careful in selecting some shows. If possible and you have resources, try Barbara Milne educational Videos, Gigglebellies and Alphabet Races.

Bribe them. Give those chocolates, brownies, ice cream, Pringles and lays. That is if I want them to pass on the important meals of the day because they won’t eat anything I cooked after eating those junkies. Some PMS days, I give in but the guilt kills me, not!

The Desperate Method. Find their weakness and work on it. My kids can’t stand seeing me cry or sick. Being the best actress, I often borrow my face in my hands and fake a cry. Cover myself in blanket and pretend that I’m sick somewhere. That’s it. They will sit and play. They will be quiet as long as I am sad or in the blanket. But I really don’t like this scheme because I felt bad and my kids are geniuses.

“Mom, where’s your tear?

Oh, I wipe it away.

Mom, I thought you’re sick; why are you laughing with your friend?

Because he’s funny and now I’m sick again because of the hard core laughing.”

So, I save it for those times that it’s too much. Like, if they don’t want to go to school or wants me to produce something impossible. And besides I felt like a mental whenever I do this but it’s really hilarious.  I deserve an Oscar!

Go out and enjoy! This method will really destruct your little ones from whining and crying but I’m bad at this. Going out means a lot of preparation for us especially now that we’re very near the North Pole. The weather is so awful and playing outside is really not always the option. But when in Pinas, we literally live outside. We even took a bath in the yard. So take advantage of the weather, walk, run, swim and drive. Go to the mall even you’re not shopping, just stay away from toys, balloons, and character things. You know what I mean.

So just in case, things go out of control try using combinations like ignore them and let them watch the tv. Be a kind mom put some chips or cookies in a bowl place in front of them while watching. You can do some of the house works without a child hugging your legs. But of course, this combination is bad.

Just in case again none of my techniques or none of yours works; please check if they are sick or uncomfortable. I realized that unless a child is sick, stress and sad or hurt, or something happens in school there’s no reason for tantrums. We have different language and if they can’t express their feeling they will cry. That’s their only way to get our attention, to send the message that they need something or if they are unwell.

In general, keeping a child happy and loved is the best method of keeping them outburst free. But since keeping them pleased requires a lot of money and hard work and it’s really hard at times so just sit and hug them a lot. Say I love you every hour, everyday because it’s free and it feels good.

Oh, if they throw tantrums in public, I can’t offer some solutions right now because I’m still trying to device a method and I’m really clueless.

 

7 Big Family Moments of 2012

1. My daughter entered preschool and gave us a lot of stress. It was hard the first time but ended very well. Now, she knows how to write and draw on walls, on sofa’s, on floors, on their body parts, on my body parts and everywhere. She knows how to reason very well and she has developed in a very good way I must say.

Lesson learned:  Preschool is the start of everything in a toddler. So I have to guide her carefully and I have to release my hold a little bit and let her discover her new world. It’s frightening but I trust her. Reassuring her that we’ll always be there for her and we love her so much somehow makes it easier for all of us.

2. Wacky entered preschool too (for a month). He’s always the target of bullying because unfortunately he didn’t know how to blend in. He thinks he’s a super hero or a pirate or an animal. So, the kids were kind of startled whenever he raised his hand and shouted “I am Spiderman!” I will never forget this “geeky” boy who told my Wacky that he can never be Spiderman because he’s fat. I wanted to tell that poor boy that he could never be Spiderman too because aside from being arrogant he doesn’t have the qualities either (though he’s wearing thick framed glasses or he’s thin too); but I just smiled and grit my teeth instead.

Lesson Learned:  There still a lot bully out there and right now I’m thinking of how I can protect my kids from these types of insignificant creatures. All I can do right now is educate my kids about it and let them know that it feels bad to be a target of bullying but not as bad as being a bully.

3. We got our very first car.

Lesson learned: Having your own car means having extra expenses. Hahahaha! So that’s a lesson learned the hard way.

4. I’ve learned to love Singapore so much. Just like our second home, I’ve learned it ways. I’ve realized how beautiful it’s culture and people.

Lesson learned:  Not everything written on the paper/internet telling about a country is true.Singapore has bad qualities but not that much. People were not racist and a lot of moms are not “kiasus” and in fact very friendly. So, don’t judge a country according to what is printed but instead see and feel it yourself.

5. My husband got a job offer in Bergen, Norway and as little as two months we went back in the Philippines and my husband move to Norway. It’s like a dream. I don’t know what type of dream. Maybe good, because of the opportunities or not because we’re established in Singapore and did I mention that I heart SG?!

Lesson learned: There is no constant in life but change. We never expected this break but we believe that opportunity knocks only once so we might as well open our door and let it in. We are young and strong so why not take chances. Risking our comfortable life in Singapore is hard but we want to grow and experience a new life. Besides, it’s my husband’s dream ever since; way back when we were in Malaysia four years ago.

6. We were separated with my husband for three months and lived the Philippines’ life which is sweet and at the same time bitter. Lot of transitions stressed the hell out of us. Ecka moved to another preschool and as I was watching her embracing the warmth of big family, new friends and environment, I realized that we have raised her well. Snoot… Tissue please!

Lesson learned: I’ve realized that we can’t live far from my husband. We missed him terribly and I awfully regret those moments that we fought when we’re together. We can’t function well when we’re apart because I’m a terrible spender. I need his guidance in terms of expenses and we constantly argue about it. So there, I’ve learned that budgeting and hubby is my weakness.

7. We’re in Norway!  We travelled 24 hours and I must suffer the adversity of a travelling mom with two toddlers. It was nightmarish but at least we’re here together with their dad.

Lesson learned:  Don’t expect a peaceful travel when you have toddlers, no matter what it won’t be easy. Don’t bring heavy carry-on bags, it will kill you.

To sum it all, our 2012 was like a roller coaster ride. It almost made us throw up but we ended fine. White Christmas isn’t that good and dark winter is dreadful but I have a beautiful family by the fire heater celebrating Jul and welcoming another year of hardships and happiness.  So here’s to another year! Cheers! May God bless us with good health, good mind and May we have his Spiritual blessings all the way.

How do I look today?

This one time my kids and I went out, I spotted a mom with two well behave kids walking by her side and a sleeping baby on the pram. I was really stunned by the scenario, because I have two wailing kids with me.

One is in the pram (Wacky-age 2.7), crying, munching or spilling whatever he has in there.

The other one(Ecka-age 3.9), holding my hands, tugging my short until it nearly falls or grabbing the hem of my shirt revealing all the flab that I planned to hide carefully and sometimes she’s crying too, asking for everything within her sight.

Looking at that mom and then looking at myself shushing and trying to shut them up, I felt envious and bad. I felt inadequate and everything related to that word. Why can’t I be like her, smiling and compose or like Katie Holmes spotted by paparazzi carrying Suri with a mock or is that a smile on her face. Like Jennifer Garner, walking with her kids complete with a beautiful hair flowing in the air, flat tummy peeping on her equally nice shirt. And here I am the complete opposite of everything good in them. Attempting to achieve that look once made my daughter said: “Mom, you look like a girl!” It’s been years and my kids thought I was indeed a guy. Yes, like a daddy called mommy. To my skepticism, I checked myself in the mirror and see how do I really look.

Well, I still have the pretty face (whoosh) but meh!

I wear my husband’s t-shirt trying to hide the bulge from my post baby weight, which by the way is 2.7 years after I have given birth and yes, it’s still there and I still call it that way. I wear a short exposing all the cellulites, and a flip flop the whole year round just because it’s comfy. My hair is either wet after shower or wet because of sweat. Sometimes, I’m the walking epitome of a zombie with kids that so healthy, people will ask why I haven’t eaten their brains yet.

That’s just me and my kids were cutesies, physically speaking. Though they’re always trying a fit, they do it with style. Their hair were well combed and tied properly. Dress and shirts are neat and cute. Branded footwear and in time with the season and despite them trying to ruin the look, I’m there wiping and combing and arranging the mess repeatedly. Should there be emergencies, I have extra shirts, undies; name it I have it on the largest bag I could carry. Unlike me, spilled ice creams, chocolates, oil, or milk can be seen on my shirt and a woman in the elevator will ask me if they were my kids because unfortunately I looked like their nanny.

But that’s fine, because I’m not running for Mrs. Universe or a celebrity. I always don’t give a damn. I’m just going to school, grocery or fast food. Why should I be dolled up? Sometimes, I do put a lipstick on and drop my normal clothes in exchange with a nice jeans, a mommy top and nice flats but it’s for the rare occasions like shopping in the city, going to church, having a nice dinner out and meeting with friends. Other than that, I find it hard to lift even a powder to hide my blemishes. Lazy you think, but no. I just don’t have all the time and energy to do it.

What I was really hoping (and achieving) is just walking with two behave kids. Smiling or laughing. Just like that. As simple as that. Sadly, it’s not anytime soon. These two are still enjoying this moment of crankiness and scruffiness. This is by the way, also fine with me. I just allowed myself to be jealous a little bit because I think it’s healthy. Daydreaming that I am either Katie or Jennifer is an indulgence to me, waking up that I am Mommy Gem is reality.

These kids make me the mess I am today, and surprisingly this is the best that I am. Though not obvious actually, inside I’m that happy soul with two not perfect kids and a husband that supports and love me the way I am just Mommy Gem and for me that’s more than well. It’s great!

Mommy Status: It’s complicated

“Why are you always mad at me and Wacky?! You and daddy, you and daddy!” Then she ran into her room and slammed the door. For the first time in my life I was left speechless. I know she’s hurt and I don’t know what to do. I told her to come out and I will explain her why. She followed and sat in front of me with folded arms and pouty lips. I looked into her eyes and try to open my mouth to start but I can’t find the right words. I just don’t know what to say.

How can I tell her that when I say “NO!” it’s because those things or actions were bad for them? It’s either they will be hurt or they will get sick. How can I tell her that scolding or telling them what’s right, is for them to be good individuals someday? How could I possibly stay cool, when I saw them fall and get hurt? How can I be happy when they don’t eat or sleep or take their meds when they are sick? How do I tell her that I don’t intentionally ruin their days, it’s just that I want the best for them? How can I make her understand that Mommy is still a human with bad days and sick moments? Mommy sometimes gets tired, so weary that playing tea party and sword fight are almost impossible. How do I tell her that not buying all those toys is not because Mommy and the Daddy is being selfish, it’s because we want them to learn the value of money and the importance of being contented? How do I tell her these? Will she understand me? How can I say that we’re not mad? We just need ‘that voice’ to render a little authority.

After contemplating, I finally told her that it’s because we love her. We love them so much. I hugged her and I felt that her resentment is settling. I know I still don’t give her the answer that she wants and that she still doesn’t understand but for me it’s enough. At least for myself, I know that it’s the only reason why.