27 Reasons I know I’m a Mom



1. I am not easily gross out by poop, snot, boogers, and puke. I know how to handle them. While enjoying my lunch one of my kids will call me to wash their butt; I will oblige and like nothing happens I will resume eating.
2. I found myself saying one or all of these phrases.

Stop licking your feet, your socks the lavatory, the table and the remote. Stop touching the toilet seat, my boobs, your butt and your sister’s/brother’s butt. Don’t put the crayons, dried rice on the floor, stray cereals and other objects edible or not edible on your mouth.

3. Cereals are important, without it there will be no breakfast or dinner sometimes.
4. I know there are no monsters but says otherwise when they ask if there’s a monster. It’s my way to scare them out of the cabinet.
5. I say yes without even hearing the question. I say “how beautiful!” to everything they’ve created.
6. I know the story of every Disney/Pixar anime and I sometimes wonder if toys do speak at night or when no one’s looking. I pronounce Eve/Eva like Eeeeee-ve-a just like Wall-e. I am not convinced that everybody needs a thneed because The Lorax is right. I sometimes quote master Oogway and I know that the voice behind Gnomeo and Arthur in Arthur’s Christmas is the same person. “Is that James Mc Avoy?”
7. I know Barney, answers to Dora the Explorer, and dance with the Hi-5. I always buy tickets to their mall shows too and will realize that Barney is nothing but a big stuff dinosaur toy in person. I still shout “Barney!” when he appears.
8. I love school days because of the free hours I have but wish for a school vacation when it’s raining or if I want to sleep more. I call in sick whenever this happens. After all they’re just preschool.
9. I hate that mother who allows their sick child in school.
10. I know sweets are bad but I always give in.
11. Tantrum is my greatest fear.
12. I have messy house until it’s two hours before their Daddy arrives. It’s tidy before dinner but will be chaotic again after dinner. I repeat cleaning before going to sleep and then I will sleep mad.
13. Although a hug nor a kiss won’t fix or tame my kids, I still hug and kiss all the time when they’re happy, when I’m happy, when they’re hurt or sad; I know the perfect timing to do this.
14. I yell at times. I swear on my mind after seeing the spilled milk, water, chocolate drink on the floors, tables, and carpets. I mumble and swear some more while wiping the mess but I say, “It’s ok baby…” instead.
15. I told them that I’m peeing blood because I’m tired. They know I pee blood or menstruating because they watch me pee, poop or shower. They love conversing with me (or ask something all of a sudden) while I’m doing one of these chores.
16. I finish phone conversations with “I’m sorry but my kids are climbing the window” or they will just cut me off because I’m yelling most of the time than talking. If the caller’s my best friend he won’t mind, he’ll just talk, wait and then go on.
17. I know if their breathing is not normal. I will know if it’s a cold or something worse. I know when to seek medical attention otherwise having them sick and resting in bed is a day off for me.
18. I know the sound if the fall is serious and if it isn’t I’ll just continue writing.
19. Once every week I will cook three sets of meals, one for each of my kids and my husband.
20. Sometimes I will realize that I’m like a tree because they keep climbing on me and pull my leaves hair in clumps.
21. I decline social invites just because I know I won’t enjoy talking and apologizing at the same time for all their mess.
22. I am comfortable with jeans or shorts, shirts and flats. When not going out, I stay in pyjamas and still change into pyjamas after I shower.
23. My parents mean so much to me because I now understand them and I feel grateful for everything.
24. My favourite food includes nuggets, Oreos and fries because leftovers should not be wasted.
25. My facebook, instagram and twitter are mostly about them and sometimes I over share.
26. I don’t ask for anything just food, house and basic needs; I just pray for their health and safety.
27. My life is all about them; yet odd it maybe, I feel happy and contented.

Yes, just like magnets!


My husband and I are opposite in a lot of things. I always test our dissimilarity by asking him if he likes this or that because if he said yes then oftentimes it’s a no for me.

 He’s a quiet person and I’m loud. I love laughing. I even researches jokes and read it to him. He tells jokes too and sometimes I pretended that it isn’t funny because it’s not really.

He’s a homebody and I am not. I love malls; I love dining out and everything. That I think is because I’m a stay at home mom and grocery shopping for me is an excursion. I can’t sleep the night before I will do the grocery. On the other hand, weekends for him I suppose are rest days, if I’m not mistaken.

 He’s good at math and I hate it. People, this is very important because if he’s good in math then he’s good in numbers and by numbers I mean money.  And if he knows how to divide cash then he’s probably good at budgeting which unfortunately, I am not.

When he sets his mind on a goal, he’ll get it. I have many small goals on the contrary. I will write a book so I will start, then I will find it hard and afterwards I’ll write a blog instead. One time I decided to study culinary arts because I think I will be a good chef but after trying chicken in peanut butter sauce and sesame seeds is really awful yet the cook vouch for its palatability; I realize that I am but a mother who roasts a chicken with salt on the skin and it’s perfect. I can change my goals easily and he’s really determined. Good for our family though.

He’s gorgeous and I am beautiful gazillion times. So still, we’re opposite on that.

He loves everything I cook and I don’t like everything he cooks. He loves cooking chilli and peppers and everything hot with some meat on it.

He don’t like chick flicks. He’s a Rambo!

He’s frugal and I don’t need to elaborate. Insert peace sign here.

I love reading. I read everything even the ingredients on canned goods and one time while loading the dishwasher I happen to see a Norwegian newspaper on the table I browse then read it. I didn’t understand a word because it’s in Norsk but I still read it. That’s me! When I want to learn something, I read. When he needs to know something he will you tube it.

He’s consistent and I change mind as often as our kids change their diapers. I will discipline the kids today, no more softie mommy I’ll say but then I will give in after some hugs and kisses. When he set the rules, we have to obey it. We will protest at times, shed some croc tears but the answer’s still no and that’s final. But we really need him that way otherwise we’ll be a bunch of undisciplined idiots.

I think I can write a book about how opposite we are but I don’t want others to think how unfortunate he is to have a wife like me. Obviously, he has all the good qualities and I’m mediocre.

We have some similarities too like eating good food and chatting about nonsense things. We love to plan our future, our retirement and our last will. We love goofing around and we both like Liam Neeson. We love to watch the kids sleeping and playing or we just love to watch them whatever they’re doing.  In general, our values in terms of parenting aren’t really in differing direction because we have to meet somewhere to make it work.

Yes, we have arguments. We fight but we make a vow to never sleep until we settled it. We say I love you everyday whenever we have chance because we feel it and we want our kids to be as affectionate as we are. Though our differences are evident, we embrace it. I have this theory that in marriage the more unlike you are the happier you will be because it will never be dull, it will always be fun laughing at your diversities.  Somehow we manage “to agree to disagree” and just like magnets we pull each other closer and we promise to stay the same until forever.

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Tantrums and my not so smart tips on how to deal with it


I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost five years and those years were bittersweet. Though I love my kids more than anything or anyone there are times that I don’t know what to do with them anymore. At times they are just impossible. So, I and hubbs have tried some methods to curtail most of their bad habits. Some of them worked and some of them don’t. I often invented the technique and let the hubby believe that it was effective based on research. So, I would like to share these with all the new moms out there who are struggling with their little ones. I’m not sure if these will help but at least you’ll know that you’re not alone. Some of my smart practices are as follows:

Ignore them. Just beware because crying may spiral to a stage that you can’t bear with it anymore until you just can’t disregard them. This method always fail but at least it provides me a moment to relax a little, you know breath in breath out and then with a shaky voice I shall ask “For the nth time, what do you want?” Oh wait this works well when it’s nap time, I just put them to bed while crying and then they pass out. Bad mommy I know; but hey, it’s called tiring them out. Just don’t forget to kiss them while they doze off. They’ll remember the last thing.

Play with them.  Most of the times they are just craving for attention so just give them your full interest. This method is fail proof if you have the stamina to play pretend for two hours or more; if you can sword fight, monster fight, wrestling for more hours and fail proof, if you can live in the fort made of blanket, dance endlessly and sing songs per request. But who can do that for hours? I can’t do that so most of the time we end up fighting. Yes, being the oldest and the mother hen I’m that immature. No, I’m done playing let’s do something else.

Offer them to do some artwork with you. The house will be in chaos but they will be occupied for hours. I just don’t want the Play-Doh because it takes me forever to clean the mess afterwards. I like painting, colouring and “scrap” booking, hair styling etc.

Stand in the corner. I let them cry and whine and shout and stomp in the corner. This is a new method and it works like magic. It was based on a research that I can’t find anymore but it really works for us. They will immediately stop the tantrums after I put them in the “crying corner”.

“Do you want to cry? Ok, stand in the corner and tell me when you’re finish.”

They will try to cry, but then they will get bored and will tell you right away that they are finish crying already. “Just give me a hug, mommy.” Snoot and it’s done.

Let the TV do the work.  This is my most effective method. Victory is mine, bwahahahaha! Just choose kid friendly shows. For ages 1-3 Barney and Dora is the best sitter. Oh, how I love Barney. There are times, when I called Barney “hubby”! Isn’t he the most patient dinosaur in the world?! But for ages, 4 and up Barney won’t appeal anymore. They love movies! Some of their favourites are Disney/Pixar animation movies. I have every movie that you can think of. Thank you Pirate bay! I’m seeding right now. But be reminded that most of the kid friendly shows aren’t that friendly. Some are bad influences and that include Wizards of the Waverly Place, Hannah Montana, Good luck Charlie, Kick Ass and Shake It up. Of course, it’s based on my observation only. These shows might be good for your kids if you wish to have a 4 year old with rolling eyeballs every time you asked a question then go on. Don’t blame me.

Oh, just take a moment to explain the story of the film. Impart the lessons and highlight the good and bad in the show or picture. Do not let them watch commercials or regular channels just stay at Disney or Cartoon Network but still you have to be very careful in selecting some shows. If possible and you have resources, try Barbara Milne educational Videos, Gigglebellies and Alphabet Races.

Bribe them. Give those chocolates, brownies, ice cream, Pringles and lays. That is if I want them to pass on the important meals of the day because they won’t eat anything I cooked after eating those junkies. Some PMS days, I give in but the guilt kills me, not!

The Desperate Method. Find their weakness and work on it. My kids can’t stand seeing me cry or sick. Being the best actress, I often borrow my face in my hands and fake a cry. Cover myself in blanket and pretend that I’m sick somewhere. That’s it. They will sit and play. They will be quiet as long as I am sad or in the blanket. But I really don’t like this scheme because I felt bad and my kids are geniuses.

Mom, where’s your tear?

Oh, I wipe it away.

Mom, I thought you’re sick; why are you laughing with your friend?

Because he’s funny and now I’m sick again because of the hard core laughing.”

So, I save it for those times that it’s too much. Like, if they don’t want to go to school or wants me to produce something impossible. And besides I felt like a mental whenever I do this but it’s really hilarious.  I deserve an Oscar!

Go out and enjoy! This method will really destruct your little ones from whining and crying but I’m bad at this. Going out means a lot of preparation for us especially now that we’re very near the North Pole. The weather is so awful and playing outside is really not always the option. But when in Pinas, we literally live outside. We even took a bath in the yard. So take advantage of the weather, walk, run, swim and drive. Go to the mall even you’re not shopping, just stay away from toys, balloons, and character things. You know what I mean.

So just in case, things go out of control try using combinations like ignore them and let them watch the tv. Be a kind mom put some chips or cookies in a bowl place in front of them while watching. You can do some of the house works without a child hugging your legs. But of course, this combination is bad.

Just in case again none of my techniques or none of yours works; please check if they are sick or uncomfortable. I realized that unless a child is sick, stress and sad or hurt, or something happens in school there’s no reason for tantrums. We have different language and if they can’t express their feeling they will cry. That’s their only way to get our attention, to send the message that they need something or if they are unwell.

In general, keeping a child happy and loved is the best method of keeping them outburst free. But since keeping them pleased requires a lot of money and hard work and it’s really hard at times so just sit and hug them a lot. Say I love you every hour, everyday because it’s free and it feels good.

Oh, if they throw tantrums in public, I can’t offer some solutions right now because I’m still trying to device a method and I’m really clueless.

 

How do I look today?


This one time my kids and I went out, I spotted a mom with two well behave kids walking by her side and a sleeping baby on the pram. I was really stunned by the scenario, because I have two wailing kids with me.

One is in the pram (Wacky-age 2.7), crying, munching or spilling whatever he has in there.

The other one(Ecka-age 3.9), holding my hands, tugging my short until it nearly falls or grabbing the hem of my shirt revealing all the flab that I planned to hide carefully and sometimes she’s crying too, asking for everything within her sight.

Looking at that mom and then looking at myself shushing and trying to shut them up, I felt envious and bad. I felt inadequate and everything related to that word. Why can’t I be like her, smiling and compose or like Katie Holmes spotted by paparazzi carrying Suri with a mock or is that a smile on her face. Like Jennifer Garner, walking with her kids complete with a beautiful hair flowing in the air, flat tummy peeping on her equally nice shirt. And here I am the complete opposite of everything good in them. Attempting to achieve that look once made my daughter said: “Mom, you look like a girl!” It’s been years and my kids thought I was indeed a guy. Yes, like a daddy called mommy. To my skepticism, I checked myself in the mirror and see how do I really look.

Well, I still have the pretty face (whoosh) but meh!

I wear my husband’s t-shirt trying to hide the bulge from my post baby weight, which by the way is 2.7 years after I have given birth and yes, it’s still there and I still call it that way. I wear a short exposing all the cellulites, and a flip flop the whole year round just because it’s comfy. My hair is either wet after shower or wet because of sweat. Sometimes, I’m the walking epitome of a zombie with kids that so healthy, people will ask why I haven’t eaten their brains yet.

That’s just me and my kids were cutesies, physically speaking. Though they’re always trying a fit, they do it with style. Their hair were well combed and tied properly. Dress and shirts are neat and cute. Branded footwear and in time with the season and despite them trying to ruin the look, I’m there wiping and combing and arranging the mess repeatedly. Should there be emergencies, I have extra shirts, undies; name it I have it on the largest bag I could carry. Unlike me, spilled ice creams, chocolates, oil, or milk can be seen on my shirt and a woman in the elevator will ask me if they were my kids because unfortunately I looked like their nanny.

But that’s fine, because I’m not running for Mrs. Universe or a celebrity. I always don’t give a damn. I’m just going to school, grocery or fast food. Why should I be dolled up? Sometimes, I do put a lipstick on and drop my normal clothes in exchange with a nice jeans, a mommy top and nice flats but it’s for the rare occasions like shopping in the city, going to church, having a nice dinner out and meeting with friends. Other than that, I find it hard to lift even a powder to hide my blemishes. Lazy you think, but no. I just don’t have all the time and energy to do it.

What I was really hoping (and achieving) is just walking with two behave kids. Smiling or laughing. Just like that. As simple as that. Sadly, it’s not anytime soon. These two are still enjoying this moment of crankiness and scruffiness. This is by the way, also fine with me. I just allowed myself to be jealous a little bit because I think it’s healthy. Daydreaming that I am either Katie or Jennifer is an indulgence to me, waking up that I am Mommy Gem is reality.

These kids make me the mess I am today, and surprisingly this is the best that I am. Though not obvious actually, inside I’m that happy soul with two not perfect kids and a husband that supports and love me the way I am just Mommy Gem and for me that’s more than well. It’s great!

The Drunken Master


Why do I hate my husband when he’s drunk?

  1. He stinks like hell! Ok, I haven’t smelled the hell yet but I’m sure it’s the same.
  2. He’s too drunk; he can’t even undress himself and just dropped himself anywhere, it’s just so annoying.
  3. His snores are louder than ever and it keeps me awake all night long.
  4. (Sometimes) He throws while sleeping on OUR BED! Gawd, it would be acceptable if he just peed. And yes, I’d probably hate that too but at least the stench won’t be as horrible as that of his gag.
  5. Did I mention he stinks?! I mean the day after and the day after?

After reading the above statement, here’s the test. In a situation like this I’d probably do one of the following, choose carefully and please do not cheat.

A. Get a towel and warm water in the basin, you know like the servant do to “your majesty” when he’s drunk and then the following scene will be rated X.

B. Curse him! Threaten him that he will never be allowed to any drinking session for the rest of his life.

C. Ignore him. Let the matter rest overnight because tomorrow will be another day (with a sly smile on my face like a villain in a drama series.)

D. Both C & B, depends on the scenario.

The answer is D. It depends, if he’s a little drunk and still can talk and probably would remember something in the morning, then its C, but if he’s too drunk and won’t remember a thing then it’s B! Anyhow, I don’t want my hubby to remember me cursing him because he’s a very good husband when he is sober. So, I respect him (slightly) even when he’s in that state because I’m scared he’ll remember the disrespect.

 Wait, did anyone answer letter A? I’m wondering if other wives do such thing. Maybe it’s the right thing but c’mon! I don’t even touch him during this time and as a punishment he’ll have to wake up early to clean his mess and take a shower. Good for him, don’t you think? But for the sake of courtesy, I’ll ask him if he wants coffee or anything to help him with his hang over. I’m a good wife after all.

Still the question remains, why do men keep drinking? My husband’s answer will be the following:

  1. You will never understand because you’re a woman. (Ouch! I don’t want to translate it literally because we might find ourselves on higher court.)
  2. You don’t have friends. (Really, I’m a loner, do you believe that?!)
  3. It’s fun and it’s our bonding. (Is it really fun walking in criss -cross and throwing everything you have eaten and drank?)
  4. Because I have to, period. (Meaning, he’ll drink again!)

So, after contemplating for long hours I finally came up with an agreement. He’s no longer allowed to drink once or twice a month; instead he will only have once per year, to which he disagrees. Sigh!

I’m not drunk! just tipsssshhhhy!

The Ten Roses Goes To…


Welcome to the most shocking rose ceremony in writing prompt history. Please award roses to the ten people (or items) in your life that you would like to continue pursuing a relationship with.

For those who don’t know where am I getting this prompt, well you can find Mama’s losin’ it here. She has a lot of writing prompts for you to choose from in case you don’t have an inspiration. Hope the link works (I’m trying to add the link and I hope to be successful now). Thanks to Dianna of “These Days of mine” for helping me. She has a lovely site too; it is really worth the visit.

So let’s award the roses! The following really deserve it. 🙂

1. To my husband whose always been there for me no matter what. You deserve the first rose because you are the first person who truly understands my insanity. You gave me an extra battery whenever I’m feeling worn out, listen to me during my PMS days (those days I felt like worthless, not capable and horrible mother), and say encouraging words like “you are not fat, I hate skinny woman!” or “you’re not pregnant, I’m sure of it!” Those words meant a lot to me.  It keeps me going!

2. My kids deserve the second rose. The whole world knows how much I love them and how I’m willing to sacrifice everything for them. I ‘m willing to give up my privacy (I’m peeing with doors wide open). I’d be happy to switch favorite shows (from Ellen to Sesame Street) because I know I will learn a lot from Sesame Street and will be wasting my time laughing at Ellen’s topic and dances. Those are just few examples, but you know how much I’m dedicated don’t you?

3. The third rose is for my kid’s guardian angel. Yesterday, my best friend and I were talking over the phone (you know the usual senseless conversation, laughing and everything) when suddenly my daughter pushed Wacky so hard lurching him  onto the floor leaving him crying and hurt I guess but he’s just fine. There are instances where due to my carelessness, my kids were sometimes at risk but the guardian angel was always there saving them. I can’t explain why but I really believe that someone is watching our children when we aren’t looking. So please stay guardian angel, let’s continue our relationship.  I’m normal here, don’t laugh at me!

4. Of course my parents deserve the fourth rose. My mother deserves the flower and my father deserves the stem with lots of thorn on it. Just kidding, I’ll remove the thorns for him. You’ll know why when I write about them soon. Oh before I forgot please share the leaves and the roots to my siblings and grandma too. 😉

5. I never thought that completing 10 items were hard, so half of the fifth rose is for my best friend. I can never reveal his name here because he’s an actor and he doesn’t want bad publicity but he deserves a spot here. He’s been my friend longer than a decade and it feels so great to have him by my side, saneness or insaneness. The other half of the rose is for Mama Dons for making us laugh and making things lighter for us. She’s also a mommy like me and sharing things with her is easy and she loves reading my blog too!

6. To my parents-in-law, you deserve a rose too. Whenever I’m confused of what a normal parent would look like, I’ll be thinking of them. They are sensible and rare because they are not the typical in laws. The typical means the intruder, the trouble maker, etc. and they are NOT like that. I know you’re thinking I’m blessed and I know I am.

7. As much as I want to, I’d like to give the 7th rose to the stroller, feeding bottles and diaper but I don’t want to continue pursuing my relationship with them so, NO! These things won’t get it. The Washing machine and the television deserve it better. The television for taking good care of my kids while I’m doing the dishes and cooking and the washing machine for the endless laundry work! I love you both; you never seem to get tired.  Can we switch roles sometimes?

8. WordPress deserve this rank! Thank you for hosting a free blog site. You know blogging keeps my brain working. Also share some of the petals to the people who inspired me to blog, the mommy bloggers! We rock!

9. I’m scratching my head now, I have two roses left and I don’t know who else or what else deserve a rose and suddenly I think of giving myself a rose too. Yes, I deserve it and I will continue to pursue a relationship with myself. I promised to nurture you (I’m speaking to myself) and watch your weight (how I wish) to the best of my capability.

10. The 10th rose will be shared by the following: Mc Donalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, Subway and Kopitiam for giving us decent meal sometimes when I don’t have the power to be a chef anymore.

At last I’m done! So thank you everyone for attending I hope you had a good time. Have a great day! 🙂

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